A Reflection on Covid-19
Nicoli & Seva
I never thought it would happen to me. Well let’s just say I prayed desperately it would not happen to me. Besides, I wear masks, I am vaccinated and I practice good hygiene. Yet what was once a distant scene on my computer screen (I don’t own a TV) of fear, anxiety and countless deaths, came closer to home right in time for the holidays.
I needed to blame someone, and I did with every F-bomb I could voice in one long run-on sentence as I took to the phone to tell family I have Covid-19 because of_____. Blaming and complaining was of no use because I could feel the virus dancing on my lungs, wreaking havoc as I spoke. Like many, I could not get tested to confirm what I already knew. Earlier that day, I received a call confirming I was in close contact with someone that tested positive for Covid. Not only could I not get my fingers on a test, more upsetting, I was having a hard time getting my unvaccinated daughter tested.
On day three I felt like I was dying while my daughter was jumping and bouncing off the walls without a care in the world. She sang, “Let it go, let it go” and danced joyfully as I prepared for what I thought would be my not so grand exit. First came the flu-like symptoms and then the chest pain and pressure. I could not get into an urgent care and as New Yorkers say, fuggedaboutit when it came to being admitted at the emergency room. I came in on my own and I was about to go out on my own.
So what did I do? Took my daughter’s advice of course—let it go! I remembered the spiritual teachings of the Upanishads and surrendered to the idea of death. I repeated the mantra, Tat Tvam Asi (Thou Art That). What use is a spiritual practice if it can’t help you during your grand exit, I thought to myself. Besides, what makes me so special?
The truth is, we all think we are special until our health, which we often take for granted, slips away at what we think is the blink of an eye. Yet in fact health decay starts the moment we are born. However, we forget and live life like we are immortal until one day we get Covid symptoms, a lump or some alarming lab results. It is then that we come face-to-face with the betrayal of our own body and admit, I am not special.
You may not be special, but if you are reading this email, you are damn lucky. As lucky as I am to be writing it. Find gratitude and humility in this moment, the now. If you find yourself overwhelmed by fear and anxiety during these times, repeat this simple mantra, “Thank you!”